The Crazies movie review

I’ll tell you now, The Crazies was not my first choice. I can appreciate a good gore flick, but I can only appreciate a good gore flick. This wasn’t one of them.
I’ll start with the most glaring flaw: this movie couldn’t pick a genre. The first ten minutes of The Crazies was a classic slasher (i.e. “He has a knife, mommy!”). It then morphed into a poorly executed zombie flick (i.e. “Braaaaaiiins.”)
After a few stylish scenes of guys in gas masks performing indiscriminate medical procedures on sick people, The Crazies briefly delved into the realm of fugitive movie, before eventually becoming a completely un-thrilling thriller.
If that makes no sense to you, we’re on the same page.
I’ll do my best to explain the premise: A town is infected by a mysterious disease via contaminated drinking water. Some shady government agency decides to pop in and exterminate the ill. Our heroes are forced to run from both a town chock-full of psychopaths and the military faction trying to kill them. Oh no!
The scriptwriting is at about a third-grade reading level, the dialogue more sluggish than a turtle on Vicodin and every plot twist more predictable than the last.
At one point in the movie, a minor character dies after enduring what can only be referred to as the Car Wash of Death. As the other characters mourn her, and then all dramatically gaze into the distance, unsure of their fate, a car randomly explodes in the center of the screen.
I kid you not, the audience burst into laughter. (And this was intended as a serious scene.)
Now, a great actor can’t save a bad script; I’m guessing Hollywood’s great actors knew that, because none of them showed up. The best acting by far was done by the zombies, which were quite entertaining as they were obliterated by the tearfully boring main cast.
Such a shame.
But, for a complete and utter failure, The Crazies had its moments of sanity. The first 20 minutes or so were bearable, and admittedly slick-looking, giving me false hope for the rest of the film.
Though I’m sorry to say I was disappointed, The Crazies’ one redeeming quality is the fact that it’s unintentionally hilarious.
If you do, for some reason, decide to see this insult to cinema, go with a smile on your face–if you keep the snide comments coming, you might leave with one, too.