Parents cause tension, conflict for coaches and players

  The Davis Senior High School girls’ field hockey team was playing an away game at Chico High School when the mother of a Davis athlete approached her daughter’s coach, vocalizing her fury over her daughter’s lack of playing time.
    The father of the coach had been watching the heated argument, angered by the inappropriate reaction of the parent. He then approached the father of this athlete, and harshly scolded the parent for aggravating the coach.
   As the coach’s father was about to leave the game, the father of the player approached him, proceeded to punch the coach’s father three times, leaving him unconscious – and the rest of the team stunned.

   Whatever the playing field may be, as long as competition is present, parents like this Davis High School parent will be present, vocalizing their opinions.
   Energy radiating from parents on the sidelines can be a good thing – but in this case, when a parent “supporter” is looking out for their child or pushing for a win, the situation can severely distress the athlete.
   GBHS teacher Linda Dickson has seen these negative affects, as one of her neighbors was forced to watch his son play Little League from behind a tree – otherwise the father’s anger would become too strong to watch the game.
   “His wife was scared for her son because the parent would go off on the kid at home after the game,” Dickson said. �
   GBHS freshman Neil Martin has also dealt with this issue, as he has been swimming since he was five years old, now swimming on the junior varsity team.
   “My own parents can be very hot-headed. Since I’ve been swimming for so long, I’ve learned to tune it out,” Martin said.
   For some newcomers, it’s not that easy.
    “I know some kids who are new to the event, and it really throws them off if they hear their own parents yelling,” Martin said. “They don’t do as well as they can, and as well as their coach knows they can.”
   Recognizing your own mother or father’s elevated tone of voice directed at you, your coach, or the judge can disrupt the concentration – the tunnel vision, encouraged by swim coach John Sherman.

   GBHS varsity football coach Ernie Cooper doesn’t deal with problematic parentsfrequently – when he does, the fire behind the fight is almost always an athlete’s playing time.
   “Obviously every parent wants to see their kid out on the field. Unfortunately in football, in my case, you only (have) 11 guys on the field at one time – we typically have 75 guys on our team,” Cooper said.
   Though, for the most part Cooper doesn’t deal with a lot of verbal abuse during the game; partially because he is separated by the track from the stands during the game, and more importantly, because it’s high school. The coaches aren’t paid very much; they’re out there because they love the sport and the young athletes they work with.
   The only problem Cooper does encounter is the parents who try to coach their young athletes, rather than do their job – support their child. When an athlete is faced with conflict between the two coaches’ suggestions, his experience turns sour.
   “Why would you want the young person to have a bad experience when the whole goal of playing the sport is to have a positive experience, grow as a person, learn about trial and tribulation, and learn about adversity?” Cooper asked.
   Cooper advises that instead of coaching their child, a parent needs to support them – keep motivating the young athletes to get up and try again tomorrow, to enjoy the good life experiences they’re gaining from team sports.
   “I think that is really important and I hope that’s what I do with my own daughter. I see parents (being supportive) all the time, but when there’s that emotional attachment, (they) may say or do something (they) might (regret),” Cooper said.
   But youth sports are a whole different ballpark – literally.
   Peter Sabin has been coaching since 2000 with the Eureka Youth Soccer Club. Aside from being a coach, he is also a referee and has the mind-set of a parent.
   “The highest conflict ages are the U8s and U10s,” Sabin said. “That’s where the most parent involvement is necessary to play the sport, the kids have the least knowledge of the game, and parent competition – the ‘my kid’s better than your kid’ attitude – is at its maximum”.
   But the situation has improved. As an individual coach, Sabin joined an organization in 2002 called Positive Coaching Alliance, founded by at Stanford University by Jim Thompson, who continues to teach in Stanford’s Athletic Department. In 2004, the Eureka Youth Soccer Club became a partner of PCA, with Sabin acting as a liaison between the two organizations.
   EYSC wanted to train their coaches and parents to emphasize the life lessons learned in sports rather than focusing solely on winning the game.
   The partnership has been quite the success.
   In the 2009 soccer season, there were only four red cards and 19 yellow cards issued by referees to both the home and visiting teams during EYSC games – both recreational and select soccer games.
That’s a total of 23 “bookings”, some which may not have been fouls on EYSC players but to the opposing team, out of around 1600 athletes that participate in EYSC. This is the lowest amount of bookings EYSC has ever had, and it’s because of the strong partnership with PCA.
   Both the son and daughter of GBHS parent Gaylen Milligan participate in EYSC, so she attended a clinic on positive coaching through PCA.
   “They’re really good,” Milligan said. “They talk about how parents need to react towards the coach and…how to handle their child or other players if they’ve had a bad day.”
   PCA also encourages parents to support each other.
   “If you go to the game and you see one parent being really irate then it’s up to you to go up to the parent and calm them down,” Milligan said. “You’re like a mediator.”
   Now that the EYSC has trained their parents and coaches, according to both Sabin and Milligan, when they face other leagues with unruly parents, it can be frustrating.
    “I wish all (soccer) leagues hired this company, or another company, to educate parents,” Milligan said. “Then everyone would know not to go after the referee, and if you have an (upset) parent, it’s your job to calm them down.”
   To avoid any and all conflict, Sabin just has one piece of advice for both parents and coaches.
   “Remember It’s a game –that’s the key right there, just a game,” Sabin said.GBHS varsity football coach Ernie Cooper doesn’t deal with problematic parents frequently – when he does, the fire behind the fight is almost always an athlete’s playing time.
   “Obviously every parent wants to see their kid out on the field,” Cooper said. “Unfortunately in football, you only (have) 11 guys on the field at one time – we typically have 75 guys on our team.”
   Though, for the most part Cooper doesn’t deal with a lot of verbal abuse during the game; partially because he is separated from the stands by the track during the game, and more importantly, because it’s high school.
   Cooper believes that because the coaches aren’t paid very much, they’re out there because they love the sport and the young athletes they work with.
   The only problem Cooper encounters is when parents try to coach their young athletes, rather than support them. When an athlete is faced with conflict between the two coaches’ suggestions, his experience turns sour.
   “Why would you want the young person to have a bad experience when the whole goal of playing the sport is to have a positive experience, grow as a person, learn about trial and tribulation, and learn about adversity?” Cooper said.
   Cooper advises parents to support and motivate their young athletes to get up and try again tomorrow, and to enjoy the good life experiences they’re gaining from team sports– instead of coaching their child.
   “I think that is really important and I hope that’s what I do with my own daughter,” Cooper said. “I see parents (being supportive) all the time, but when there’s that emotional attachment, (they) may say or do something (they) might (regret).”
   But youth sports are a whole different ballpark – literally.
   Peter Sabin coached with the Eureka Youth Soccer Club since 2000. Aside from being a coach, he is also a referee and has the mind-set of a parent.
   “The highest conflict ages are the U8s and U10s (age groups),” Sabin said. “That’s where the most parent involvement is necessary to play the sport, the kids have the least knowledge of the game, and parent competition – the ‘my kid’s better than your kid’ attitude – is at its maximum”.
   But the situation has improved. As an individual coach, Sabin joined an organization in 2002 called Positive Coaching Alliance, founded by at Stanford University by Jim Thompson, who continues to teach in Stanford’s Athletic Department.
   In 2004, the Eureka Youth Soccer Club became a partner of PCA, with Sabin acting as a liaison between the two organizations.
   EYSC wanted to train their coaches and parents to emphasize the life lessons learned in sports rather than focusing solely on winning the game.
   The partnership has been quite the success.
   In the 2009 soccer season, there were only four red cards and 19 yellow cards issued by referees to both the home and visiting teams during EYSC games – both recreational and select soccer games.
That’s a total of 23 “bookings”, some which may not have been fouls on EYSC players but to the opposing team, out of around 1600 athletes that participate in EYSC.
   This is the smallest amount of bookings EYSC has ever had, and it’s because of the strong partnership with PCA.
   Both the son and daughter of GBHS parent Gaylen Milligan participate in EYSC, so she attended a clinic on positive coaching through PCA.
   “They’re really good,” Milligan said. “They talk about how parents need to react towards the coach and…how to handle their child or other players if they’ve had a bad day.”
   PCA also encourages parents to support each other.
   “If you go to the game and you see one parent being really irate then it’s up to you to go up to the parent and calm them down,” Milligan said. “You’re like a mediator.”
   Now that the EYSC has trained their parents and coaches, according to both Sabin and Milligan, when they face other leagues with unruly parents, it can be frustrating.
    “I wish all (soccer) leagues hired this company, or another company, to educate parents,” Milligan said. “Then everyone would know not to go after the referee, and if you have an (upset) parent, it’s your job to calm them down.”
   To avoid any and all conflict, Sabin just has one piece of advice for both parents and coaches.
   “Remember It’s a game –that’s the key right there, just a game,” Sabin said.